Welcome to Pepper's extended biography. The links below lead you to sections of Pepper's biography on this page and are presented in chronological order.
- Early Years
- Teenage Years
- After College
- Getting Married
- Back on my Spiritual Path
- My Dark Night of the Soul
- Mother Earth
- Change Comes Again
- Working with Gaia
- Mount Shasta
- Extraordinary/Ordinary Llife
Just five months after my birth in Buenos Aires, Argentina my family and I moved to the United States. My parents say I cried incessantly from the moment I was born until the moment we boarded the plane bound for the US, and then stopped for good, so I believe that at least in part, of my mom and dad had a contract to bring me here to the United States. I learned to speak English at school, and Castilian Spanish at home. I am still fluent today and can read, write and speak although I have hardly anyone to share the language with. My vocabulary is not as extensive as I would like, but my skills are still surprisingly good!
During my childhood we lived in Hollywood, California. I remember being outwardly happy but confused and conflicted within. I could not make sense of things I saw or heard, and I wondered even then, what a strange world this was. The Vietnam War loomed in the background of my young life, as did racial tensions, starvation in Africa, incidents of rioting and looting, peace/war marches, and other by-products of the sixties and seventies. Our television was almost always tuned to the news and I can still vividly recall the gory and disturbing images of those times. I remember telling my parents that I didn't want to watch because it made my eyes and my head hurt, but they said it was real life and I was better off learning about such things sooner rather than later. As often as I dared to speak up, they would remind me how fortunate I was to live in a country where such events were displayed on the television screen instead of hidden or buried. My only reply was, "if that's the best we are capable of I'm not sure I want to be here."
In those days my parents preferred to vacation in Mexico, just south of the border. In order to reach our destination we had to drive past an entire town of dilapidated cardboard shelters where dirty, maimed children roamed the streets begging coins from tourists. I would hide my face in horror as they ran between the lanes of traffic forcing cars to brake and take note of them. When the traffic slowed they would run alongside the cars rapping on the windows with their begging cups. My childhood was haunted by indelible pictures of starving children, as well as vivid images of bloody, wounded and dying soldiers being carried off the battlefields of Viet Nam. I could not comprehend human suffering, or the fact that it seemed to have no end. I still do not watch movies or television that endorse, encourage or uphold violence or suffering of any kind.
My childhood was not particularly pleasant and was a little harsh to say the least. As immigrant parents of immigrant parents, mine were not aware of how to nurture or encourage a child. I imagined that parents were pretty much alike, and it was not until many years later that my friend, a psychologist told me otherwise as she guided me through some dark moments that I shared with her. Out of respect, and because my parents are both still alive, I have decided to allow those memories to remain private. I refer to them here because I am often told that the story of my childhood is inspiring to those who lived similarly.
It is difficult to describe those days without remembering how overwhelmed my senses sometimes became. I dealt with those moments by manifesting severe migraine headaches whose only cure was a darkened room to retreat to for as long as needed. As I lay quietly on my bed waiting for another episode to pass, Angels and other light beings would appear to comfort me. They used my own imagination to create beautiful images for me to watch so I would not be as aware of the pain. I did not know exactly who or what these beings were, but I trusted them. I invited them into my world and thankfully, they invited me into theirs, which was infinitely more beautiful and exciting than my own. I came to depend upon those moments as they somehow sustained me, and I would sometimes even fake a headache so I could return to my quiet room and wait for them, but when I faked it they never came. My mother took me to see several specialists, but they never did find anything wrong.
By adolescence I had outgrown the headaches, but I continued to retreat to an inner place of peace as often as I could. I was shy and insecure and felt extremely different from other children my own age. I had a few close friends but still found it difficult to fit in at school. For those who don't know, Pepper is not my given name, it was a nickname I gave myself when I could no longer live with the social stigma of my birth name, Gladys Victoria. The short story behind my name change to Pepper is that a character on a television program called Policewoman was named Sgt. Pepper Anderson. As I watched this character's self-assurance, popularity and wardrobe, it occurred to me that all of the things could possibly be found in a name. I thought if it worked for her (Angie Dickinson) it might work for me, too. The change did not happen overnight, but within six-months visible changes were noticeable. I felt that my new name gave me confidence and it was not long before I began to express myself more successfully.
I loved to read books as a child and still do. I adored sagas and epics, especially stories about heroines whom I aspired to be like. The medieval and renaissance eras captivated me and I would often imagine myself cloaked in flowing robes and capes. My imagination helped me to disappear into books like, The Mists of Avalon. I believed that my imagination was like an invisible fuel that could transport me anywhere I wanted to go. Interestingly, those very thoughts form the basis of Earth Alchemy, though I did not consciously know this at the time. My escapes into historical time periods became so detailed and vivid that I began to question which life was more real. I somehow understood the concept of simultaneous or parallel lives because I experienced them. I tried to share my experiences with my friends and with my mother, but they all thought that I was only daydreaming.
Once when I was in high school the bus drivers went on strike, making it necessary for me to walk to and from school. My route home took me past a well-known used bookstore that was considered haunted at one time. I walked past the store every day, sometimes pausing long enough to look in before continuing on my way. Eventually, curiosity and temptation carried me inside for a look around. On my second visit, the old man who always half hid behind the counter, looked at me sternly and pointed his long skinny finger toward the back of the store. I made my way in the direction he indicated and found myself for the first time staring at a bookcase named, "Occult Thought". It was the first time I could remember feeling at home. "Finally, things are going to make sense," I thought.
The books were inexpensive so I purchased as many of them as my allowance would buy. I read all of the "Seth" books channeled by Jane Roberts, which taught me about different realities and densities. I also read all of the books by Ruth Montgomery, about past lives, walk-ins, aliens and much more. I read books about UFO's and everything I could find on reincarnation. Some of the books were enlightening and others were a little frightening. I instinctively knew which books to get and which ones to stay away from, so I intuited that my guides were directing my education. It surprised me that my parents did not question what I read given that they were not very open-minded, but even this seemed to be divinely orchestrated.
I earned enough credits to graduate from high school at sixteen, almost an entire year before my friends. I was glad to be out of that environment and eager to get a college education, so I enrolled in a local two-year program. I enjoyed Journalism and Photography and thought I would make a good photo-journalist, for a publication like National Geographic, but I was still very shy and wasn't sure what to do next. One day I attended a History class taught by a rather boring professor. In order to pass the time more pleasantly, I began to compare his lecture topic with a similar one that was unfolding within my inner vision. I saw that much of what he described was inaccurate, because my up-to-the-moment experiences were showing me otherwise. I knew then that our linear history had been tampered with and inaccurately recorded so that it would be remembered in a limited and controllable way. As the class droned on it occurred to me that our entire history could be rewritten within a few short generations, and that I might somehow be a part of that. I slowly rose from my seat, took one last look around, and then walked out of the class and away from the school. I never turned back.
When I was eighteen I was introduced to a man who conducted past life regressions. I decided to find out once and for all if my remembered experiences were real or the result of a vivid and overactive imagination. We spent a few sessions experiencing light and then medium levels of hypnosis. I responded easily to hypnotic suggestions in which I recalled early childhood events. I described my favorite dolls in great detail and referred to them by the Spanish name I had given them. I even volunteered my birth name, Gladys, a closely guarded secret at the time. By the third session we had made so much progress that I easily made the transition from childhood to womb and then to spirit.
The first life I recalled was in England in the early 1800's. I was a young woman and I was dying. When asked of what, I accurately described symptoms associated with Tuberculosis, but called it Consumption, a term that was common in that time period. A scene was unfolding before me and I did my best to describe it as accurately as possible. My family was gathered around me as I lay on a small straw cot. The time of my passing seemed imminent and I wondered why I had chosen to recall this experience. My present-day self could even feel the need to cough-up blood, and I could even taste it! My facilitator reminded me that I was not to experience pain (an agreement that we had made prior to our first session) and he suggested that I continue to witness the scene as an observer rather than as a participant. I continued to describe what I saw in the room including my husband in that life who I recognized as my mother in this one; the instant recognition surprised me. I reached through time and held the hand of the young woman (me) who was lying before me. I held her (my) hand until it became limp and I realized that she had passed. I moved back a little so that I could see what would happen next. I saw her spirit gently lift away from her lifeless body, but before doing so, it paused for a moment to caress the body it had occupied and to thank it. Her spirit hovered above and then next to the body for a while. It seemed to be assisting the family members who stood by her body and wept. It seemed as if her spirit reached into their grief and somehow replaced it with a sweet memory or a kind thought. I already felt attached to this family and wanted to stay to see how it would all turn out, but my facilitator indicated that it was time to move beyond the experience and I obeyed (another agreement we had made). My hypnotic regression revealed several other lifetimes in great detail, but none touched me as deeply as this first one. I enjoyed the experience and thought I would go back for another session, but I never did.
I explored different concepts and subjects while I considered what to do next. I continued to read all of the channeled material I could find as I was fascinated by the process. One day I was invited to visit someone who channeled Seth not far from where I lived. As soon as I saw this man's personality disappear and Seth appear I knew I would never be the same. The next day I booked a private session with him and counted the days until I could speak directly with Seth. I was nervous and asked a lot of trivial questions that seemed very important at the time. Finally, Seth glared at me and asked, "Why do you concern yourself with such insignificant things when you are already aware of the unusual? You are unique and extraordinary, but you must acknowledge it or you will remain as you are!" His voice was louder than most and its tone frightened me. I didn't know what to reply. I bit my lip and stared at the wall while I tried to think of something intelligent to say. I did not think that being unique was an asset I had already spent years attempting to act normal so that I would fit in. My attempts had met with much success and I wasn't counting on it improving. Seth went on to say that I was not to ignore my unique abilities. He insisted that I move beyond the dictates of my mind to discover them. I didn't know what he was talking about, but was too afraid to say so. I tried to ask interesting and important questions on different subjects as a distraction, but Seth quickly dismissed these and soon after dismissed me!
Confused, I tried to spend as much time as possible in self-discovery, but doing so only confused me more. I searched for depth and meaning in all things, but found little. I read and studied and meditated and prayed, as little else mattered. One day melted into the next and the next. I searched for someone or something that would give my life meaning and purpose, but I didn't find anything. Eventually, I gave up the search and decided to go back to pretending I was like everyone else; at least I knew how to do that.
Lonely and only twenty-two years old I met Dave, and at twenty-five we married. Dave was fun and exciting. He was everything I was not. He lived nearby, but was raised in a very different environment. His father, Al Lewis, of Munsters and Car 54 Where Are You? fame had been very interested in civil rights and political awareness. He and the rest of his family had marched at civil rights rallies and held Black Panther meetings in their home. Al was an intelligent man with a huge heart and I learned a lot from him. He was brash and forthright and always spoke his mind. Al was a showman who got his start in Vaudeville, and Dave inherited some of whatever Al had. Dave had a wonderful sense of humor and a contagious laugh. He made fun of himself and of me in light-hearted, non-threatening ways. He taught me to smile and to laugh, and at least for a while I forgot about my more serious concerns and pursuits. I allowed life to be normal, fun and easy. We had two boys. Bryce, who is now twenty and Keenan who is sixteen. We had birthday parties and backyard barbeques and I was very happy.
A series of jobs led me to the computer field, which was just beginning to mature. It was a fast paced industry and I discovered that with very little effort I could earn a lot of money. I liked working with people and the frenetic business environment suited me at the time. I also discovered that I could tune in to my client's energy pattern and intuitively know what they were willing to pay for the products my company sold; I used this to my advantage. Personal wealth and the acquisition of material possessions was my new hobby, and I became more attached to my lifestyle than I care to admit. It was the fast paced eighties and a lot of fun while it lasted! I bought sports cars, designer clothes and fancy jewelry. But one day as I was driving, I noticed that the car in the next lane was exactly like mine. I also noticed that the driver was a woman who reminded me a lot of me. She wore her hair in a similar hairstyle, her designer clothes looked like mine and she was even wearing the same expensive trendy watch. I remember wondering if her thoughts were like mine, too. I could easily have been her clone, or she mine. If there were already two of us, were there more as well? I vowed not to allow that to happen and immediately set about reevaluating my choices and priorities. I promised myself that I would remake myself in my own image rather than someone else's.
Back On My Spiritual Path
I went back to what I thought was square one. I reread a few of the books that had made an impact upon me and set about rediscovering who I was based upon who I had become. I looked around at the many things I had accumulated and noticed how cluttered my house had become; I knew this could only be a reflection on the rest of my life. I made changes and simplified my lifestyle where I could. I put away my fancy jewelry, sold my fancy car and made time to meditate. Bryce was still a baby then and I would meditate while he napped and again in the evening as I rocked him (us) to sleep. Visions of other times and other places returned and they seemed more vivid than ever. One day a Native American Indian guide asked me to follow him with my awareness, and I agreed. He showed me a life where I was the son of a Chief in a small but influential tribe. The tribe was packing their belongings very quickly and deliberately because winter had arrived much sooner than expected. The elders knew that they could not remain there for long, but here was indecision as to where to go and dissension between my father and I. We were both highly respected within the tribe and it was widely known that one day I too would be chief. The chief, my father, questioned my ability to lead and I did not respond favorably. The cold weather continued to worsen, as did the disagreement between father and son. I watched with my awareness as they parted ways and broke each other's heart. The members of the tribe were forced to choose between two emotionally wounded leaders. Conflict divided tribe and family as two small parties of unhappy people departed in opposite directions never to see one another again. All of the members of one party perished, as did most of the members of the other group. I saw them fall one by one, unable to survive the unforgiving freeze. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched this awful scene unfold before me. I asked my Indian guide what was the purpose in being shown this vision. He explained to me that I had made the only decision I could have made in that life, and then as gently as possible he told me that difficult choices loomed before me in this life as well.
When the vision ended I went for a walk to think about what I had just experienced. I wondered if the experience had been real or if it had been my imagination. From the depth of my being I summoned this guide and in so many words demanded some form of physical proof. I instructed him that he had the time it took me to walk one city block to produce a feather and present it to me. A few moments later a feather appeared on the sidewalk directly in front of me. Unsatisfied, I demanded two feathers, brighter in color. They too, appeared on the following block. I slowed my walk and softened my approach. I apologized for my rudeness and my skepticism and wondered how I could overcome my doubt. I hated to admit it, but I still needed more. The summer heat intensified and I crossed the street to find some temporary shade while I considered my next request. I paused underneath a large billboard sign and closed my eyes for a moment. Just then, an enormous gust of wind appeared out of nowhere and took my breath away. As the wind billowed through the air, hundreds of accumulated feathers floated down from the billboard above me and I found myself in a blizzard of feathers. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry so I did both. I regretted having challenged my guide, but was grateful to have received what I had asked for. I no longer doubt the symbolic and synchronistic ways in which spirit communicates with us. I have learned to trust non-physical language and awareness as much as I do physical evidence.
I continued to meditate, but a quiet mind and a quiet place rarely seemed to occur at the same time. I experimented with several methods of meditation and contemplation; I found more success with some and less with others. An inner presence hinted that persistence would prove beneficial so I continued with the exercises. At times I thought I heard or felt a whispered wisdom within. I asked it to speak more clearly so that I could identify it from the mental shopping lists that always deem to crowd my mind, but it did not. I resisted my mind then, which made things worse. Over the years I have made peace with my mind. I give it what it needs and it allows me what I want. Before meditation I would follow a ritual that included lighting candles and incense, playing soft music and holding my favorite crystals. Then my spirit teachers asked me to accomplish the same without these items. I resisted, not wanting to do without these precious items, but my guides insisted. They wanted me to learn that spiritual peace is the result of inner desire rather than outer experience.
I followed a few teachers and teachings, and attended various seminars and workshops. My interests carried me to ancient texts and to new discoveries. I spent some worthwhile time exploring and then releasing spiritual, physical and emotional baggage. There was a time that I cried so much and for so long that I thought I would be single-handedly responsible for the next great flood. During this time an angel named, Zeraphinia, came to (through) me. A channel that I had a session with literally pulled Zeraphinia from my higher heart one day and she remained with me for as long as I needed her. Zeraphinia helped me to sift through the many questions that still confused me like who I was, where I was from, why I was here, and why I always felt so different from everyone else. She showed me some of my past lives, as well as the patterns that had contributed to my purpose in this life. Many of the things Zeraphinia showed me were difficult to acknowledge. When asking about our past, it is best to be prepared for it. I felt Zaraphinia in my heart, but her communication with me almost always took the form of automatic writing. I have always appreciated this form of channeling above all others, because something physical and tangible remains beyond the experience itself. Over the course of a few years Zeraphinia introduced me to many angels, archangels, teachers and guides.
My psychic ability continued to develop rapidly and I soon discovered that with limited interference I could move energy and even separate my awareness from my body. Successful long meditations still eluded me, with the result being a race in which my mind and my body competed to see which one could disrupt my peace first. This effect was even more pronounced at workshops in which it was impolite to open your eyes while everyone else's were closed. Out of boredom I would invent games that allowed me to walk around the room in my energy body. For instance, if I wanted to know what lunch would be served, my energy body and I would go to the kitchen to see. My games were fun and didn't seem to intrude on anyone's experience. I also found that I could read people's energy, especially while they meditated, as their fields remained open during the process. Once, in a workshop I attended with my friend, I noticed that two people who had not arrived together were holding hands. As the meditation began their fields became entwined and I had the distinct feeling that their energetic embrace was sexual in nature. I suddenly felt embarrassed and ashamed, as if I had inappropriately intruded on a private and intimate moment. I jerked my energy back into my body so quickly that it hurt; I closed the energetic door behind me and locked it tightly. By the time I got home I had already decided never to use those abilities again. I yet again resigned myself to live an ordinary life.
I set my answering machine to receive my messages, as I was unwilling to. I ignored invitations to lectures, meditations and other special events and instead busied myself with being a wife and a mother. But my friends were persistent and did not stop calling, especially my friend Jude, who was not feeling well and was concerned with a diagnosis she had received from the allopathic medical community. She left me long messages asking me to look at her body energetically; she refused to acknowledge the physical distance that separated us. I spoke with her, but pleaded with her to call someone else. The last thing I wanted was to feel responsible for her well-being. Eventually, my concern for her compelled me to unlock the barricaded door I had placed between my physical reality and my subtle awareness. Immediately upon doing so, I entered an altered state of consciousness in which I could see every individual cell and molecule within her, as well as how it related to her body. I saw every childhood scrape and every sore muscle; even minute vitamin deficiencies were highlighted. At first I told her everything I saw just so I could be done with the experience and get off the phone, but the information kept coming and I made no move to stop it. I unleashed all that had been bottled up within me for months, and even heard myself telling her what had happened on the day I had closed my energetic door. Surprisingly, she told me that it had been her energy that I had witnessed that day. She confirmed that I had accurately seen her energy entwined with another. She went on to explain that it was inappropriate and impossible for her to be with that person in this lifetime. Even so, they had taken a moment out of time and place to explore a passionate embrace in an innocent encounter. She thanked me for describing the beauty of the embrace and we were each liberated by each other's words.
My Dark Night of the Soul
Once I had reopened the door to my spiritual gifts I began to use my abilities more often. I helped others to get in touch with their own angels and guides and I channeled messages for them. My abilities came so easy then that I began to take them for granted. I accessed information from the past, the present and sometimes even the future. I traveled to other dimensions, surfed waves of energy and summoned resources and beings who offered support and encouragement. I became conceited and my arrogance became ignorance. I descended into a spiral in which I experienced a fall from grace often called, The Dark Night of the Soul. During this time I would summon my guides, but could not feel their presence. I called up my abilities, but they did not respond. I could still feel angels around me, but they would not acknowledge me. It was as if they had their backs turned to me, and I felt as though I had turned my back on them. I was tired all of the time and it required a great deal of effort to accomplish the simplest task. I suffered from headaches, stomachaches and felt nauseous most of the time; I slept too little or too much. Physically, there was nothing wrong with me, but I felt and looked awful. With nothing but time on my hands I unraveled my life piece by piece. I didn't like myself very much. I knew that I needed to change, but I wasn't sure how.
Sunday, January 16, 1994 was a strange day. It was unseasonably warm for January and the air was very still all day. I was living in Tarzana, California, a suburb in the San Fernando Valley, about forty minutes northwest of LA; earthquake country. Our dog, Rocky had been panting, limping and howling all day as if a car had hit him. We examined him carefully, but couldn't find anything wrong. After a few hours he whimpered himself to sleep. I fell asleep, too, but could not stay asleep. At 4:31 a.m. the life I knew ended.
I awoke to the screaming sound and thunderous movement of the biggest earthquake I have ever experienced! My life became a living nightmare and words cannot begin to describe the shock and fear I experienced. I tried to stand, but the intense force of the earthquake threw me down to the floor. Dave was trying to tell me something, but the sound was deafening and I couldn't hear him. He pushed me toward the door that led to the backyard and gestured that he would get the kids and meet me outside.
I tumbled down some steps and landed on our brick patio. I couldn't stand so I crawled onto the wet grass. My knees felt warm from blood and I knew that I was hurt. I was paralyzed with fear and I was trembling uncontrollably. It was pitch black except for the lightning strikes caused by exploding power transformers nearby. I tried to remind myself that I was in control and that I had chosen this experience, but my fear told me otherwise. Dave and the kids had not emerged from the house yet and I began to fear the worse. I begged God to stop the shaking and to help everyone get out of the house safely, but the shaking didn't stop and they didn't come out.
My body doubled over in pain and I felt as if I had been struck by lightning. If it is true that people die from being scared to death then I believed I was dying. I was sweating even though it was a cold January morning and my heart was beating so fast that I could not catch my breath. I called upon Archangel Michael and shouted at him that if he didn't get my family out of the house safely I would hate him forever. A few moments later Dave came out of the house holding Bryce under one arm and Keenan under the other. They were only three and seven at the time. The shaking paused for a moment and we all huddled together for warmth. The kids were just beginning to wake up and they wanted to know what was going on. Between aftershocks and as calmly as I could, I explained to them that Mother Earth was having an upset stomach very nearby. "She has to burp." I said. When they asked why she would burp where all the people lived, I mumbled something about her not always being able to excuse herself to an ocean or a desert.
The next few weeks were a blur. Our house was damaged, but it was still standing and many were not. We did without electricity, gas and water for almost two weeks. The aftershocks continued and some of them were almost as strong as the original quake. I felt anxious, afraid and agitated most of the time. Dave felt it would be best if the kids and I went away for a few days so we flew to San Francisco to visit some friends. While we were there a small earthquake was felt throughout the area. It seemed to me that even the slightest tremors would find me no matter where I was.
My fear subsided, but now I felt anger toward God and the Heavenly Host. I was angry with the angels and the archangels, at my guides and with the Earth. Why couldn't I have seen this earthquake coming? Why hadn't any of my guides been present to help me through the experience? Where were all of the angels and guides who had pledged their unconditional love and support now? I took long walks to try to sort things out. I dismissed all of my guides but they seemed to accompany me on my walks just the same. They told me to trust in the perfection of all things. I told them quite literally what they could do with their perfection and their things. They continued to join me on my walks regardless of my bad moods or foul language.
As I walked, small twigs and branches would fall on me or near me; I seemed to be a magnet (or a dumping ground) for nature. Feathers would flutter down from nowhere, fruit would fall from trees as I passed them and blossoms would blow in my direction. Birds seemed to sing their songs exclusively for me, and even standing stones magnetically rolled toward me as if someone had pushed them. I tried to find an appreciation for what I believed was a peace offering from Spirit, but it was half-hearted at best. It took a while for me to acknowledge it, but nature was attempting to communicate with me. Trees told me about themselves; their variety and their history, and I could almost feel the twigs whisper, as they brushed past. I took longer walks and took up hiking. Everything I came across had something to say or to share.
One day while I was outside relaxing on a lounge chair and unconsciously smashing ants as they went by, an aspect of nature with a rustle-like voice asked me if I would be willing to receive an empowerment of energy. Lazily and without even thinking about it I said, "Okay, sure, whatever." The next moment was a profound one, and one of the most powerful I have ever experienced. I was overcome with excitement and nausea as I heard and felt Mother Earth for the very first time. She was sincere and compassionate as she explained that my recent experiences had been necessary albeit difficult. She told me that the kingdoms of the earth were eager to reconnect with the family/kingdom called humanity. She went on to say that the earth had been quiet and patient while angelic beings and other spirit teachers had shared their wisdom with humanity, but that it was now time for the earth to be recognized as a sentient being. She inquired about my recent communication with the trees, rocks and animals that she had sent, and asked if I had found the experiences pleasant and enjoyable. I nodded yes, unable to speak. As if she already knew the answer, she continued. "Would you be willing to relate a few messages in my name in the language common to your time and country?" I heard myself think yes, yet say "No, thank you," out loud. She continued to caress me energetically, easing my fears and concerns as she did so. She showed me vivid pictures of past, present and future earth. Like a story with an undecided ending, the scenes in the pictures seemed to offer a variety of perspectives. She told me that all of these were creative choices and that humanity was free to choose any experience whatsoever. "But most do not know that they can choose, and it is my desire that they discover it." She thanked me for sharing the moment with her and said that we would speak again soon. Exhausted, I fell into the deep sleep of the weary. It was the best sleep I'd had since before the earthquake.
Over the next several weeks she shared many more pictures with me, each one a dimensional vignette that evolved into many different images and possibilities. Some of them included images of me sharing the earth's words in written words and spoken forums. I lingered over these, examining the different perspectives and possibilities. These experiences sound almost too good to be true, don't they? It is one thing to imagine a possibility and another to live it, even momentarily. I was shown wonderful images, but I was also shown sacrifice, suffering and surrendering; nothing was held back. For instance, I saw that if I chose to speak on her behalf my marriage would end within five years. I had never felt so excited or vulnerable about the future as I did then. I received one more invitation from her to participate in life as a spokesperson for the earth. Without knowing what it really meant I nodded emphatically, tears streaming from my eyes.
Once I became accustomed to her vast energy I was able to channel it via automatic writing. Sometimes an aspect of the earth, such as the plant kingdom, initiated the messages; Mother Earth, the sentience of the planet, orchestrated even these communications. I call Mother Earth, Gaia, a term of endearment. It is the name the ancient Greeks called the Goddess of the Earth. Our sentient earth welcomes the name Gaia, but reminds us that the earth is neither masculine nor feminine; it is both and it is neither. As the messages became consistently clear I began to offer them to different publications. Gaia told me that I would speak her words at conferences, write books for her and travel on her behalf, but I didn't really believe her. How little I knew!
Change Comes Again
Just as I was becoming comfortable in my life with Gaia she told me to prepare for a change. I braced for another earthquake, but the change expressed itself as one of the major challenges I had foreseen in my earlier experiences with the pictures she had shown me. My fifteen-year marriage to Dave was in jeopardy. Almost five years to the day Gaia had predicted, Dave and I called it quits. As unique and different individuals our paths were now moving us in different directions. We were never ideally suited for one another, but had found enough common ground to stand on. We were true opposites, and it is true that opposites attract, at least for a while. Neither of us really wanted to give up on the relationship, but secretly hoped that the other one would. We wanted to get on with our lives, but didn't know how. By the time we dragged ourselves into counseling there was little left of the marriage to save. Giving up was devastating, letting go was worse. I thought the day Dave moved out would be my last. I cried until I could no longer breathe. Every part of my being ached and I wanted to die. I was certain that I had failed my marriage, my kids and myself. I knew that Dave felt the same. I sat on the bathroom floor and willed myself to die. I begged Gaia to make the pain stop by taking me out of my body and away from this life. When the angels came to comfort me I told them the only angel I was willing to receive was the angel of death. They took pity on me and gave me what I call an angelic sedative, a sleep-induced exhaustion that compels the mind and body to rest.
I felt that my interest in spirituality had let me down yet again. It had given and then it had taken away. Dave did not share my expansive views on non-physical phenomena and he did not understand its place in my life. All attempts to bring him into my world had failed and I no longer belonged in his world. I could no longer ignore my purpose or walk beside my path. I had to walk upon it, regardless of where the road went. I shared my despair with only the closest of friends because I felt embarrassed and ashamed at the turn of events my life had taken. I felt certain that a true spiritual person could not make as much of a mess of their lives as I had. I carried my burden as best I could, breaking down only when I was alone. My sadness became Dave's anger, which was his own way of coping with a broken heart and failed marriage. When we were unable to reach an equitable marital settlement things got really ugly and our shadow selves came out to play in grand fashion. I learned a lot about myself and about human nature during that time, they are not lessons I care to repeat.
One of the first things I did when I was on my own was to make a Never List. Never Lists go something like, "I will NEVER again do this and I will NEVER again put up with that." I shared my long list with Gaia and thought that she would support my dedication and sincerity to my new solitary path, but instead, I could feel her quietly and patiently undoing my list. A few months later I was asked to channel Gaia at an event celebrating the Grand Cross, a potent astrological alignment that occurred on August 11, 1999. A friend who attended the event introduced me to Rob and then watched in amused satisfaction as our souls recognized one another. Our interest in one another was undeniable, but neither of us was ready for a committed relationship. We explored a friendship and when that deepened we allowed ourselves to love. Our relationship lasted approximately six years, during which we discovered that we were better friends than lovers. My relationship with Dave had included a strong physical attraction and deep family ties, but less in common elsewhere. Now I had the opposite, for try as we might, Rob and I were incompatible where intimacy was concerned. As friends we hiked, traveled, studied, talked and shared, but as lovers we were lonely and apart. We came together and apart several times those during six years, each time vowing to give it our all and certain that we were better off together than apart, but believing something does not necessarily make it so.
Working With Gaia
All the while my relationship with Gaia continued to deepen. I felt her in me, around me or nearby almost all of the time. I lived independently of Gaia and the messages I brought through, but a quality that can only be described as Gaian surrounded and protected me. This allowed be to go about my days somewhat light-headed and a little more ungrounded than most people would find comfortable. Had I not been living in LA at the time this might have been more pleasant, as it was I had to accustom myself to venturing out into the big-city during off hours. I spent most of my days writing articles, channeling in private sessions and public gatherings, teaching classes, and being a mom. I channeled the articles Gaia and I wrote directly onto my computer keyboard via automatic writing, as my keyboard had long since become an extension of my own fingers. Most of the subjects for the articles were the result of broad questions asked during personal sessions, but sometimes Gaia seemed particularly insistent about imparting knowledge regarding certain developments upon the planet, thereby giving us choice as well as awareness.
I still channeled angels and other beings when specifically asked by those who knew me well, but my heart already belonged to Gaia, as did my purpose and the projects I was most interested in. Gaia's energy felt deep, but not mysterious. Anything and everything was an open book as long as I (or those for whom I channeled) prepared to receive it. Her energy was effervescent and it was obvious, at least to me that it emanated from all that was earthly love. As I would sit and ready myself to channel Gaia's sentience, I needed only express my desire to receive guidance, support and direction. Concentrating my intent on the core of the earth, a strong vibrational pulse within me quickly found its frequency match in the earth's sentience. Within a few short moments Gaia's love for me and for all of humanity filled our beings and any environment we occupied.
My spirit guides had taught me early on how to allow energy to pass through me without becoming attached to it. They showed me how to balance the electro-magnetic frequencies that ran through the meridians of my body. I learned how to move my personality's awareness into the background so that all else could be channeled to Spirit rather than away from it. I became both a conscious channel and a trance channel. My body has always remained my own and Gaia has had little need of mine having a fine one of her own. Someone once suggested that perhaps Gaia and I exchange bodies during the channeling process, but I wouldn't even know what to begin to do with hers! It took practice, but I learned how to remain completely detached and disinterested from what was said, regardless of the subject. I remained in a comfortable alternate awareness and allowed Gaia access to others through my ability to transceive. I remember describing to my kids when they were young, that channeling was a little like being in the back row of a very large auditorium during a special event. You can't see very well or hear very much, but are happy to be there just the same. I sometimes remember bits and pieces of the sessions I do, but in no particular order. Within a few hours I remember even less and by the next day most of the experience is already erased. This used to bother me because I felt that I was not fully aware or present in my day, but I now know that I have participated in a deeper, more purposeful way and I am pleased to offer myself in this way. I did private sessions for people all over the world, and still do. Each session was unique and I am still amazed at how diverse we all are. My clients would sometimes tell me that they did not feel their questions were important enough, but I never found that to be true. I think we deal with big issues by asking small questions.
One day as I was becoming more accustomed to channeling in public, Gaia asked that I be provided with a cordless microphone. She also reminded me to wear sensible shoes. That marked the beginning of Full-Body Channeling, which empowered Gaia to animate my body as she saw fit. Without any particular need to be other than present, I relaxed. When Gaia walked I felt my legs move, but I did not feel the sensation of walking. My body became an electromagnetic conduit of Gaia's vibration; it responded to her slightest suggestion. As part of my awareness I noticed that people would sometimes sigh as Gaia brushed past them, and others would cry openly when she touched or held them. Compassionate, emotional encounters filled the air with a sweetness I could not begin to describe. I could not see with my eyes then, but rather through them, as if I was watching events unfold through a lens. I could even feel Gaia using the light that reflected in my eyes to transmit energy to those in attendance; everything that I had was a resource to be used for the good of all.
Gaia has always been animated, engaging and even humorous. That being said, she is also very direct and does not diminish her words to suit a guest. She aims directly for our hearts and rarely misses. Her energy is just as you might imagine the earth to be, youthful and ancient, strong and elemental, soft, innocent and pristine, refined but a little rough around the edges. Gaia's voice is different than my own and her use of language is altogether her own. Most people hear a dialect, but cannot place it. Everyone seems to experience her in unique and different ways, which not surprisingly, is her intention. Public events allowed me to meet people from all over the world and I thoroughly enjoyed them. It was difficult to leave the kids at home when an event affected their school activities or disrupted family life too much, but sometimes they are able to accompany me, like when I was asked to channel Gaia at the UN. What a unique and wonderful experience! It was the first time the kids understood firsthand the profound effect Gaia had on hearts and minds everywhere, and why I felt compelled to walk this path.
Defeated at the hands of an enemy I felt powerless to battle, I let the wound exact its price. Week after week I saw less and less of Keenan. What little time I spent with him felt awkward and distant. My son was gone and a stranger stood in his place. We lived two miles apart then, but it may as well have been six hundred, for as little as we saw one another; my heart ached. I felt lost and alone and even my health began to suffer. I gained weight and lost weight and then did the same again. After a number of months I decided that I had to do something for myself to shift the life condition I had yielded to. Drawing upon pleasant memories of time spent in Mount Shasta, I began to consider the possibility of relocating there. It seemed a daring thing to do, and I wasn't sure if I could pull it off. Until then I had only lived in Southern California. I had never even seen snow much less lived in it. Still, I could no longer allow things to go on as I they were, so I opted for change.
Mount Shasta and Gaia
I arrived in Mount Shasta on May 1st, 2005, determined to live a life that supported my wellness and fed my spirit. I have not been disappointed. Mount Shasta is a small community at the foot of a giant volcano. They say it is dormant, but Gaia says otherwise. Several other communities dot the landscape and round out the rural, picturesque county. Nature and wildlife abounds, as do many different tall conifers and evergreens. Springtime brings wildflowers of unique color and variety. The air is clean and lightly scented, and the water is award winning. My first year was difficult in that I knew very few people and did not yet feel ready to meet more. I spent a lot of time alone hiking, working, and reacquainting myself with life. My health returned and my body rejuvenated itself. I rested and read and wrote about what I wanted the next few years to be like. Gaia's presence was strong and robust within me, and though I spent a lot of time alone I was rarely lonely, a first for me. The few friends who ventured this far for a visit were surprised to find me so changed. The boys, Bryce and Keenan, also made their way here tentatively, to rediscover a relationship with their mother.
My second year in Mt. Shasta brought invitations to participate in many different projects and it was easy to see that my silent days were over. My wellness fully restored, I began to lead seminars, teach channeling, and accept invitations for Gaia and I to appear near and far. I made new friends, deepened existing friendships, and also released a few that seemed to only parrot past patterns, as if echoes of unremembered yesterdays. Everyday seemed like a new adventure; another opportunity for me to discover more about Mount Shasta and myself. Life is interesting in that just as you become accustomed to living a certain way, another is introduced. I thought myself content in my simple and single Mt. Shasta life. After years of trying to make relationships into what they were not, I felt content to immerse myself in other areas of life.
And that's when I met Glenn. I told myself that I would allow him to be a playful diversion and no more, but when it comes to relationships, life has almost always had something else in store for me. Glenn had never heard of Gaia or of channeling, which was fine with me since that already occupied such a large part of my life. But he was interested in life, and adventure, and laughter. Interested in almost any subject, Glenn set out to discover Gaia in his own way. He had little or no interest in a private session with Gaia, and received little more than a nod and wink from me or from Gaia at the first seminar that he attended. In all honesty, I did not allow him anywhere near one of my seminars until we had known each other for many months, fearing the worst for me or for him. Of course, it was an empty fear, as most are. Glenn filled my life with flowers and with feelings. He nurtured the sensuous woman in me, respected the wise woman, and protected my innocent nature. I did not want to surrender my heart to him, thinking I might spare myself a painful moment or two down the road. Unfortunately, mine is not a casual heart. It is virtually impossible for me to live as I do, with Gaia as my constant companion, without feeling everything to it's fullest. So I gave Glenn my heart, as well as a few old fears to hold onto as gently as possible. I received the same from him, with a proposal and a ring to bind the promise.
My Ordinary/Extraordinary Life
My life is a simple one, but it has been shaped by extraordinary moments that have amazed me as much as they have others. Telltale moments from yesteryear surface from time to time, and help to join threads of an ever-unfolding tapestry. While at a recent seminar in Europe with about six hundred in attendance, I took time out to call my mom and let her know where I was. She asked me if I still remembered how I loved to play with dolls as a little girl, and of course I did. Moments later I remembered that even as a young child I believed in telepathy although I did not know the name for it. I would play at thinking of something and then I would send it telepathically to one of my dolls. It was then up to this doll to send it to the one next to her. I would wait a few minutes for some kind of confirmation that the message had been both sent and received. Unfortunately my dolls were mute on the subject, which left me little choice but to remove the doll's head and see if the message had indeed arrived – notes on a prophetic life?
Most of my days are filled with presenting seminars somewhere in the world, and with making myself available for as many private sessions with Gaia as my schedule allows. I am still devoted to the process of automatic writing and most of the articles I write originate from this method of channeling. I enjoy teaching channeling and hope to present interactive classes on this and other subjects, including via the Internet. I am most interested in subjects where physics and metaphysics meet, as I believe these two sciences will one day merge into one. There is enthusiastic and devoted support for Gaia's words from almost every walk of life, including medical, governmental, scientific and educational. When time permits I walk, hike, gather rocks and crystals, garden, or share a motorcycle ride with Glenn through the countryside.
I am often asked what it is like to have Gaia at the ready all of the time. I can imagine that it might look like I live a charmed life, or have an oracle in my pocket, but it's really not like that. My life has afforded me a wide spectrum of experience, but a narrow path to walk. I live a gifted life, but not an easy one. I look forward to sharing Gaia's words with you for many years to come and I am committed to exploring a wide variety of subjects, issues and concerns. I trust that my partnership with Gaia will continue to awaken and expand our collective conscience with respect and compassion for all life. Thank you for sharing my journey with me. I look forward to meeting you in-person one day!